How to raise our children

Cultivation in Islam is very important, for indeed all of the religion is based upon upbringing. It starts first of all with of our own selves, then of our families, and then of the community at large. But this cultivation is most important with respect to our children, so that they are brought up upon the correct path of Islam.Having children is a blessing from Allah, therefore, it is obligatory for the parents to take care of their children as the responsibility for them is upon their shoulders. As the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa salllam, said: "All of you are shepherds and are responsible for your flock...” [Al-Bukhari]The Qur’an and the Sunnah of the Prophet encourage us to bring up our children correctly; ordering us with righteousness and good conduct ourselves as well as ordering us to prevent our families from falling into that which would result in their own destruction. Allah says (which means): "O you who believe! Ward off from yourselves and your families a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones...” [Qur’an; 66:6]What follows are some practical steps towards establishing the correct cultivation of children.Seeking righteous children:When an individual wants to get married, they should have the intention to have righteous children and supplicate Allah to this effect. They should seek their children with the intention to increase the number of the Prophet’s nation, and to get Allah’s reward in this life and the Hereafter. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa salllam, said: "Marry those women who are loving and fertile; for verily I want to be amongst those Prophets who have the most followers on the Day of Judgment.” [Ahmad and Al-Bayhaqi]If one has the correct intention at the beginning of the action, then he will have its correct fruits at the end.Setting a Good Example:The parents should set the best example for their children. They should hasten to do that which is good and, likewise, hasten to abandon all that is evil. Children follow the example of their parents, and they love, respect and admire them. The parents are, therefore, the first and most lasting of examples for their children.Putting emphasis on Religion:Parents should consider Islam the most important affair in their life. They should raise their child to know that the most important aspect of life is being upright in religion, clinging to it firmly. Allah says (what means): "And this (submission to Allah, Islam) was enjoined by Ibraaheem upon his sons and by Ya’qoob, (saying), ‘O my sons! Allah has chosen for you the (true) religion, then die not except in the faith of Islam.” [Qur’an; 2:132]Parents should supplicate Allah to guide their children and keep them upright. Allah Says that the believers say (what means): "Our Lord! Bestow on us from our own wives and our offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders for the Muttaqoon (i.e. pious and righteous persons).” [Qur’an; 25:74]Besides supplicating Allah, parents should also take the necessary steps in bringing up their children upon this religion.Showing Love and Kindness towards Children:The parent should treat his children with love and kindness, and should not always use harshness. However, if the situation requires harshness, and even hitting, then he should do so, as and when the situation requires it, but he should not make this his way (i.e. that he is always hard and harsh towards his children). We should not be like those people who are always hard upon their children as this may lead them towards further corruption and going astray.On the other hand, we should not be like those who leave their children without any discipline so that they follow whatever way they like and do whatever they want.Teaching Good Character:The parent should aim to raise his children upon good character from a young age. He should teach them the Qur’an, the history of the Prophet and that of the companions as well. One should not leave his children to continue making mistakes saying that he will correct them when they get older, because indeed it becomes increasingly more difficult to correct a person when he has grown up adopting incorrect actions and bad characteristics. As a poet once said: "Whoever grows up upon something, he grows old upon that same thing.”The Prophet used to train and bring up the children from a young age upon good manners and character. As can be seen in the Hadith of Al-Hasan in which he narrates how he once took a date from the dates of charity, and the Prophet stopped him and told him to take the date out of his mouth. The Prophet explained to him that the dates were for charity, and that charity was not allowed for the Prophet or his family.The Prophet did not leave Al-Hasan without instructing him; rather, he stopped him from continuing in what he was doing and explained to him the correct way, in kindness and wisdom.Being Just with Children:The parent should neither oppress nor wrong any of his children. He should not show one of his children due favour more so than the others, by giving him more or praising him more than any of the others. Indeed this type of favoritism can be a reason for the children swaying from the correct path and developing personal problems later on in life.Spending upon One’s Children:The parents should be generous and spend on their children. They should take the necessary steps to earn lawful money and spend on their children in a manner that is correct. Indeed, anything that one spends on his family with the correct intention will be rewarded. The Prophet said: "Two Deenaars (golden currency) which you spend by way of charity, or two Deenaars which you give to the poor, or the two Deenaars which you give to your family-indeed the greatest of these as regards reward is that Deenaar which you spend upon your family.” [Muslim]In conclusion, everyone should take care of his family, for if everyone in the society was to take care of the upbringing of their families and take care of their financial needs, then this would prove good and beneficial for the society as a whole. And if everyone were to leave the affairs of their families and their children, then this would lead to the corruption of the society, and poverty would be widespread.Article source: http://www.islamweb.net/emainpage/How to respect your parentsThere are many days set aside in non-Islamic societies to honour and appreciate special people; for example, Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, Memorial Day and Labour Day. In Islam, however, respecting, honouring and appreciating parents is not just for a single day of the year, but rather for each and every day.Parents in the Qur’an:A Muslim child should respect and appreciate his or her parents on a daily basis. Allah mentions that human beings must recognise their parents and that this is second only to the recognition of Allah Himself. Throughout the Qur’an, we notice that parents are mentioned with appreciation and respect, even if they are senile. In the Qur’an, there is a very beautiful description of how parents are to be treated; Allah Says (what means): "And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as] ‘uff’ [i.e., an expression of irritation or disapproval] and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word. And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say: ‘My Lord! Have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small.’” [Qur’an 17:23-24]The recognition and respect of parents is mentioned in the Qur’an 11 times; in every instance, Allah reminds children to recognise and to appreciate the love and care that they have received from their parents. One such example is when Allah says what means: "And We have enjoined upon man goodness to parents...” [Qur’an 29:8 & 46:15]1. The demand for recognising parents is made more emphatic when Allah Says (what means): "And [recall] when We took the covenant from the Children of Israel, [enjoining upon them]: ‘Do not worship except Allah; and to parents, do good...’” [Qur’an 2:83]2. Allah again emphasises in chapter An-Nisaa’ that children should be kind to their parents. He says what means: "Worship Allah and associate nothing with Him, and to parents do good...” [Qur’an 4:36]3. In Chapter Al-An’aam, Allah reemphasises that people should be kind to their parents; He says what means: "Say: ‘Come, I will recite what your Lord has prohibited to you. [He commands] that you not associate anything with Him, and to parents, good treatment...’” [Qur’an 6:151]Mothers:Although Islam recognises both parents, mothers are given particular gratitude and respect. This can be appreciated if we reflect upon the hardships and suffering that mothers experience in their lives. In this regard, there is a Hadith of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam: It was narrated by Abu Hurairah, radhiallah ‘anhu, that a man came to the Prophet and asked him: ‘Who is most deserving of my close companionship?’ He replied: "Your mother; your mother; your mother; then your father; then the next closest to you in kinship; then the one next closest.”Islam has endorsed respect for parents by their children, even if the parents are non-Muslims. If parents strive to convert their children to non-Islamic beliefs, the children should not obey them, but must still maintain goodness towards them. In this regard, Allah says what means: "And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is two years. Be grateful to Me and your parents; to Me is the [final] destination. But if they endeavour to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness and follow the way of those who turn back to Me [in repentance]. Then to Me will be your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do.” [Qur’an 31:14-15]More Respect:Islam teaches us that of the most beloved deeds to Allah, having respect for one’s parents is second only to that of prayer and is greater than that of Jihad (fighting in His cause). In this respect, Abu ‘Abdur-Rahmaan ‘Abdullaah Ibn Mas’ood, radhiallah ‘anhu, narrated the following: "I asked the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam: ‘Which deed is the most beloved to Allah?’ He replied: ‘Prayers performed on time.’ I then asked: ‘Which one is next?’ He replied: "Goodness to parents.” I then asked: ‘Which is next?’ He replied: ‘Jihad in the path of Allah.’”In Islam, respect for parents is so great that the child and his wealth are considered to be the property of the parents: ‘Aa’ishah, radhiallah ‘anha, narrated that a man came to the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, in order to resolve a dispute that he had with his father regarding a loan he had given him. The Prophet said to the man: "You and your wealth are to (i.e., the property of) your father.”Final Remarks:We hope and pray that all of us will respect our parents while they are alive and after their death. One can honour his parents after their death through the following methods:1. Performing daily Du’aa’ (supplication) for them.2. Giving charity on their behalf.3. Instituting a perpetual charity on their behalf, such as a mosque, an Islamic Centre, an Islamic library, an Islamic hospital, an orphanage, etc.4. Performing Haj on their behalf, or asking someone to do so.5. Distributing Islamic literature on their behalf.Let us pray to Allah that we do our best to respect our parents, honour them, be kind to them, assist them, and please them so that we may attain the love of Allah.Article source: http://www.islamweb.net/emainpage/