BLAZING A TRAIL: Dr Moza al-Malki making a point during an interview with Community. Photos by Jayan Orma
By Aney Mathew
Family therapist, psychologist, professor, a counsellor whose programmes have been aired regularly on TV and podcast channels, international speaker, writer, author, teacher, trainer, newspaper columnist, and winner of numerous awards both at regional and international levels, Dr Moza al-Malki’s record of achievements are no mere works of conjecture; if her accomplishments read like the biography of someone on the who’s who list, that’s because she is one.
In a society where stereotyping is a norm, Dr Al-Malki has broken many a mould to emerge as a trail blazer in effecting positive changes. She was the first Qatari woman to teach English in elementary schools and is Qatar’s forerunner in counselling.
Dr Malki is also credited with being the first to introduce play therapy clinics in the Arab world and was one among the few women candidates who contested for Qatar’s first municipal elections.
By the way, she was the first Qatari woman to drive in Qatar. What’s more? She has the distinction of being nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize in 2005 (as part of the ‘1000 Peaceful Woman Across the Globe’ — PWAG Swiss initiative), followed by the honour of being declared Ambassador of Peace in 2008!
Armed with a doctorate in clinical psychology (marriage and family counselling) from the University of Abertay Dundee, in Scotland, Dr Malki works with couples, families and individuals seeking counselling and therapy, but children are her priority.
While dealing with kids facing issues in general, Dr Malki is also turning her attention to autistic children with extraordinary talents and has recently been in the process of setting up a package for children with dyslexia.
“I love working with children, especially children with special needs,” says Dr Malki. Working in a culture that eschews revealing too much about themselves, Dr Malki has successfully employed tools that help reveal hidden fears and anxiety issues that could remain deep rooted in children, following harrowing childhood trauma.
Deliberating on common issues faced by children, Dr Malki explains, “Like anywhere in the world, here too we see problems in families and with children. Frankly, I don’t believe there are children with psychological problems — there are families with psychological problems that are reflected in the children.”
Dr Malki believes play therapy is the best way to deal with children having issues. “Play therapy is a great tool. It is said, ‘If you can play with children you can do anything with them.’ Playing with children is capturing their hearts and minds. Children cannot express themselves through words, especially in their early years — they don’t have enough vocabulary. But through their play they can communicate the deep thoughts that lie within,” she points out.
Dr Malki’s ‘relaxation room’ accommodates a doll house with several dolls that represent the different people who make up a family setting, down to the details – the idea is to recreate the environment of that child. “Children talk to their dolls better than they communicate with adults. When we observe the way the child relates or communicates with the different dolls, we get a good idea of what goes on in the child’s life — issues and problems that would remain normally hidden. Once the issue tormenting the child is identified, then we can plan the therapy required.”
“Role play is a useful tool not only to help identify inner struggles, but also to get rid of the anger and negative emotions that result; thus role play is widely used especially in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. Water therapy and sand therapy are very useful tools in relieving stress”, she clarifies.
Older children and even adults are allowed to vent their fear, trauma and even negative emotions like hatred, through drawings and paintings or by writing stories and poems. “Following harrowing experiences, people are often unable to talk about their problems, but they can convey their deep-rooted issues through story-telling therapy or through art. Hence they are encouraged to express their feelings by writing stories or drawing pictures. When they write their stories, their narratives are initially quite disturbing, as a result of the trauma inside. So I go over the story with them, talk to them and counsel them; I encourage them, trying to get them to change their attitude towards themselves and their attitude towards the world; it’s important that they feel a sense of self-worth. After this I get them to rewrite the story; this usually leads to the story being written with a slightly different twist — it is now expressed with lesser negative emotion. This process is repeated until the story becomes positive, revealing the child has been healed in that area. It can take anywhere from just a few sessions to a few years depending on the depth of the wound faced by the child,” Dr Malki describes.
Compiling the various drawings, stories and experiences of the people she has helped, Dr Malki has written several books; as a matter of fact, she has 16 to her credit.
So what advice does Dr Malki have for parents?
“When dealing with and treating children facing issues, it is important to avoid conflict and contradictions. For instance, if the father is very strict while the mother is lenient with the child, it causes confusion within the child as to which one or what is right. Similarly inconsistent behaviour patterns in parents also cause perplexity in the child: for example, what is acceptable when a parent is happy becomes completely intolerable when they are upset or when they are going through a hard time themselves. This unpredictable behaviour confounds the mind of a child.”
“It is also important for parents to realise that carrying home the pressures of work and taking them out on the children will have long-term effects. This is an increasing phenomenon, especially with more women going out to work. When a mother has long working hours outside the house, it is bound to take its toll on her and hence the family.”
“Stability and security within the house are the greatest gifts parents can give their children” concludes Dr Malki.
