As an act of worship, Muslims should make the intention to please Allah, Almighty, during this process and act in accordance with His laws.
Unfortunately, in this time, more and more Muslim marriages are crumbling, primarily due to the fact that they were not in conformity with the laws established by Allah. The intention to please Allah was not there from the beginning.
As this is a rather immense topic, it will be spread out over several issues. Some of the initial components in the process are considered in the following, with the focus on women who are entering the marital bond.
The presence and guidance of a Wali (guardian - father or whoever takes his place) is one of the conditions required for soundness of a marriage contract. The Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) said: “There is no marriage except with a Wali.” [Ahmad, Abu Daawood and At-Tirmithi] He also said: “If any woman marries herself without the permission of her Wali, then her marriage is void, then her marriage is void, then her marriage is void.” [Ahmad, Abu Daawood and others]
The Wali is the one who will be responsible for finding a suitable spouse for his ward, one who is religious and an appropriate match. The Wali must be male, mature, of good moral character, and of the same religion as the woman.
In the ideal situation, the Wali should be the closest male relative of the woman, so first it has to be the father, if not then it passes to the closest male relative on the father side, her grandfather, then her son, then her full brother, then her half brother, then his sons, then paternal uncles, then their sons, then the father paternal uncles, then the Muslim judge. For women who have entered Islam from another religion, however, it is not acceptable for her non-Muslim father or other non-Muslim relative to act as her Wali. In this case, the responsibility falls upon the leader of the community. A woman cannot choose any person for her Wali. The Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) said: “There is no marriage but with a Wali. And the ruler is the Wali for one who does not have a wali.” [Ahmad and others]
A woman should never be forced to accept a marriage proposal. This is very clear in Islam. If a woman is forced to accept a marriage proposed against her will, she would have the right either to annul the marriage or accept and remain in it.
Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that a young virgin woman came to the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) and stated that her father had married her and she disliked it. So the Prophet gave her the option (to annul the marriage or remain in it). [Abu Daawood and Ahmad]
The relationship between the woman and her Wali is ideally one of co-operation involving mutual respect and consideration.
Finding a Spouse with Faith and Piety:
The Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) said: “If someone whose religion and character you are pleased with comes to you (to marry your daughter or ward) then marry (her off to) him. If you do not do so, there will be commotion on the earth, and a great deal of evil.” [At-Tirmithi and Ibn Maajah]
The Wali should assist the woman in finding a spouse who has strong faith and piety, which is reflected in behavior.
The happiness of the marriage often rests upon this important element. One of the goals of marriage is to find comfort, repose, and security in the relationship. This goal is more likely to be achieved if each spouse has fear of Allah and adheres to Islam.
Unfortunately, women often look for a man who has wealth and letters behind his name (M.D., Ph.D., etc.) assuming that this will bring them happiness. Although there is no harm in considering these things, yet it should not be given first priority. How helpful will that wealth and those letters be when the person is being disrespectful and uncaring towards his wife? How beneficial will he be in helping her to fulfill her obligations to Allah?
Women should carefully arrange their priorities when it comes to selecting a spouse, for the success and happiness of the marriage may depend on this.
Payment of Mahr
(dowry):
Payment of the Mahr is also a necessary condition for soundness of a marriage contract. It is given to the wife as a way of honoring and respecting her and as a symbol of the husband’s commitment to provide for and take care of his wife.
Allah Says (what means): “And give the women (upon marriage) their bridal gifts graciously.” [Qur’an; 4:4]
This verse and others establish the obligatory nature of the Mahr. There is no minimum or maximum amount of Mahr stated explicitly in either the Qur’an or Hadith.
Anything of value is acceptable as Mahr, regardless of whether it is something material or something non-material (if the person lacks wealth). The prophet said: “Search for something, even if it just be a ring made from iron.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim] In fact, the Mahr could be knowledge of the Quran as related in a popular narration. The Prophet accepted the dower of a person’s knowledge of Quran. He said: “Go for I have put her under your charge (in marriage) due to what you have of the Qur’an.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
There is no maximum amount of dower as Allah Says (what means): “But if you want to replace one wife with another and you have given one of them a Qintaar (great amount of gold) in gift, do not take (back) form it anything.” [Quran; 4:20]
A Qintaar is a very large amount of gold, which implies that it is allowed to give such large amounts. The Caliph Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) however, did advise the people at one time not to be excessive with regard to a woman’s dower. The Prophet also encouraged people to be easy in this area. He said: “The best Mahr is the one which is easiest (to be paid).” [Al-Haakim and Ibn Maajah]
Some women request enormous amounts of money, jewelry, and goods from their prospective husbands, oftentimes making it impossible for the men to fulfil these requests. Men are actually foregoing or postponing marriage because they are unable to pay the “going rate” or to find a woman who is willing to accept a lesser amount.
This creates a great deal of corruption, trial and temptation not only for individuals, but also for society as a whole. Women should look beyond their own personal desires and interests and consider loftier values and benefits.
Article source: http://www.islamweb.net/emainpage/
The necessary components of the marital process
This article discusses some of the important issues to consider when entering the bond of marriage. This includes the marriage contract and witnesses to the marriage. It is imperative to remember that whatever endeavour a person engages in, his or her intention should be purely for the sake of Allah, Almighty. For something as serious as marriage, this should be obvious. The correct intention will ensure that the union is blessed by Allah and protected from difficulty and tribulation. Our sole purpose in life should be to seek the pleasure of Allah in all that we do. If this goal were the focus, we would see many happy, smiling married couples.
1. The marriage contract
The marriage contract is a necessary component in the marital process. Marriage itself is actually considered to be a contract agreed upon by the two parties. It is a binding, permanent agreement that can only be broken through the process of divorce.
It should be entered with seriousness, and as with any contract, the best attempt should be made to fulfil the obligations and responsibilities due to the other party.
All scholars agree that the offer by one party and acceptance by the other is an essential part of the marriage contract. Most of these scholars also say that the offer must be from the woman’s side (the Wali - the guardian or one who represents him) and the acceptance from the man during the process of the contract. The majority of the scholars also say that it is necessary to have the presence of both the prospective husband and the Wali during the process. The actual presence of the woman to be wed is external to the whole process.
It is essential to mention here that the consent of the Wali is a condition without which the contract is void.
The marriage contract itself may simply be in spoken form, although it may also be completed through writing. Any wording that clarifies the intention and goals of the contract would be acceptable. It is important to mention that when the contract is entered into, the aspects pertaining to marriage in the Shari’ah (Islamic Law) become binding upon each person, regardless of whether or not they are stated in the contract. These aspects would include the rights and responsibilities of each party, such as the husband providing sustenance for his wife and the wife being obedient toward her husband and so forth.
Certain customs that are known and accepted by everyone can also take the status of law and be considered binding on the parties. These, of course, would only be acceptable if they do not contradict the Shari’ah. Some examples may be the custom of the husband providing furniture for the house or the bride being taken to the home of the groom.
Other stipulations may be added to the marriage contract if both parties agree. These conditions cannot contradict the Shari’ah nor can they bring harm to anyone. The primary purpose of these additions should be to avoid any conflict or hardship in the future.
Those who accept the stipulations must complete the condition or the husband or wife has right to nullify the marriage. Allah says (what means): “O believers, fulfil the contracts.” [Qur’an; 5:1]
The Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) said: “The Muslims must act upon their stipulations.” [Abu Daawood and Al-Haakim]. It is necessary to mention that some scholars are of the opinion that additional conditions cannot be added to the marriage contract.
2. Presence of witnesses
The majority of scholars agree that the presence of two witnesses is an obligatory aspect of the marital contract. The Prophet said: “There is no marriage save with a guardian and two (just) witnesses.” [Al-Bayhaqi]
The witnesses must be just and righteous, and also adult, mature and sane. Most scholars state that the witnesses must be male, although Abu Haneefah is of the opinion that it is allowed to have one male and two females. The witnesses must also be Muslim between two Muslims. (Abu Haneefah allows for non-Muslims witnesses if the marriage is to a non-Muslim woman).
The reason for having Muslim witnesses is that the contract is a serious one and is considered to be a religious contract.
Conclusion
As a woman eagerly prepares for her wedding day, buying clothes and accessories, beautifying herself, informing family and friends, she should reflect on the serious nature of the contract that she is about to enter. It is a lifelong, binding contract that entails many duties and responsibilities. She should become aware of the elements that are necessary for completion of this bond (as outlined above article) as detailed in Shari’ah, and learn about her role as a wife and companion. She should also be informed about the rights that are due to her from her husband. It is a beautiful reciprocal relationship in which the rights of one party become the responsibility of the other.
There are many books available on this topic and it would be wise to read some of these as part of the preparation. In Islam, it is not enough to just get married. One must have the knowledge to enter the union with wisdom and understanding and a deep commitment to making it successful.
Equipped with the right intention and knowledge, there should be little room left for Satan to nudge between the man and woman who have promised to love and honor each other all the days of their lives… and in the Sight of Allah.
Article source: http://www.islamweb.net/emainpage/
Whom one is allowed to marry
Marriage is the most essential social bond that maintains human society. It is the key step to establishing a family, which is the nucleus of society. Since the ultimate goal of creating human beings is to worship Allah Almighty, a Muslim has to look at marriage as a means of ‘producing’ human beings who will be future worshippers of Allah, which is a religious commitment, apart from being a physical, social and psychological need.
When planning for marriage, one has to ask himself who he should marry. Allah mentions most of the categories of women involved in this question in the following verses, (which means): “And do not marry those [women] whom your fathers married, except what has already occurred. Indeed, it was an immorality and hateful [to Allah] and was evil as a way. Prohibited to you [for marriage] are your mothers, your daughters, your sisters, your father’s sisters, your mother’s sisters, your brother’s daughters, your sister’s daughters, your [milk] mothers who nursed you, your sisters through nursing, your wives’ mothers, and your step daughters under your guardianship [born] of your wives unto whom you have gone in. But if you have not gone in unto them, there is no sin upon you. And [also prohibited are] the wives of your sons who are from your [own] loins, and that you take [in marriage] two sisters simultaneously, except for what has already occurred. Indeed, Allah is ever Forgiving and Merciful. And [also prohibited to you are all] married women except those your right hands possess [i.e., slaves or war-captives who had polytheistic husbands]. [This is] the decree of Allah upon you. And lawful to you are [all others] beyond these, [provided] that you seek them [in marriage] with [gifts from] your property, desiring chastity, not unlawful sexual intercourse...” [Qur’an 4:22-24]
Those who are Permanently Forbidden in Marriage
This category includes those whom one is forbidden to marry due to a blood relationship as well as those who are forbidden due to marital relations:
Those Permanently Forbidden due to Blood Relations
Descendants due to a relationship with a woman, regardless of how far (a man’s daughter, granddaughter, etc.).
Ascendants of women, regardless of how far (mother, maternal and paternal grandmother, etc.).
Descendants from a man’s parents, regardless of how far (sisters, half sisters, sister’s children, etc.)
Siblings of male and female ascendants, regardless of how far (paternal and maternal aunts, great aunts, etc.).
One may notice that of these, the grandmother was not explicitly mentioned in the verse. This is because frequently in Arabic and in the Qur’an (as in some of the verses on inheritance), the term ‘mother’ includes the grandmother and all her ascendants.
Those Permanently Forbidden due to Marital Relations
Wives of ascendants, regardless of how far (the father’s wife, grandfather’s wife, etc.). Consummation is not a condition; the mere completion of the marriage contract makes this marriage forbidden forever.
Wives of descendants, regardless of how far. Again, the mere marriage contract is what is considered here with or without consummation.
Ascendants of wives (such as the mother-in-law), regardless of whether the marriage was consummated or not.
Descendants of wives (step-daughters and their children) only if the man consummated the marriage with the wife in question. The phrase (which means) ‘…Under your guardianship…’ was mentioned here only to portray the usual case and not as a condition. The ruling holds whether the step-daughter was ever under his care or not. This is the opinion of the majority of scholars.
Those Permanently Forbidden due to Breast Feeding
The verse actually mentions ‘mothers’ and ‘sisters’ by breast feeding. From these two, others can be derived based on the Hadeeth (narration) of the Prophet : “Breast feeding makes forbidden what is forbidden through blood relations.” [Muslim]
The Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) was asked to marry the daughter of his uncle Hamzah but his response was to say: “She is not permissible for me. She is the daughter of my brother through breastfeeding. And breastfeeding forbids what is forbidden through blood relations.” [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]
The brother of a woman who had breastfed ‘Aa’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) came to visit her. She refused to let him in until she asked the Prophet if it was permissible to do so, and he said: “Give him permission, for he is our uncle.” [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]
The Minimum Requirement for Breastfeeding
There is a wide variety of opinions on how many ‘sessions’ of breastfeeding create the prohibition including one, three, five, seven and ten sessions. A common opinion is that the child must have nursed on three separate occasions; this is based on the Hadith: “The prohibition is not established by one suck or two.”
The strongest opinion is that of Imaams Maalik and Abu Haneefah and ‘Ali bin Abu Taalib, ‘Abdullaah bin ‘Umar, and ‘Abdullaah bin ‘Abbaas and others, which is that a single session is sufficient. This is the strongest opinion because it is consistent with the apparent meaning of the word Ridhaa’ah (breastfeeding) in the above-mentioned verses as well as the related Hadiths; also, the above Hadith could be easily taken to refer to ‘sucks’ and not ‘sessions.’ So, in other words, if the baby merely sucks once or twice, it does not count unless the baby completes the ‘session’, drinking to satisfaction.
Women Included in this Category
One’s female ascendants through nursing. This includes the woman who nursed him and her mother, etc. The husband of the wet nurse is considered the ‘cause’ of the milk involved. So, for example, if a girl is nursed by a woman, that woman’s husband becomes forbidden to her just as her own biological father is.
Descendants through nursing. The man who is the ‘cause’ of the milk is forbidden from marrying the one his wife nursed or their children, etc.
Descendants of ‘parents’ through nursing, (i.e., the ‘sisters’). One cannot marry any of the children (either by blood or nursing) of the wet nurse or her husband.
Siblings of ascendants by nursing (i.e., brothers and sisters of the wet nurse or her husband). This does not include their children (‘cousins’ by nursing).
Note the following important point as stated by Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen : “The relatives of the child that is nursed, except for his/her children, have no relation to the breastfeeding mother [or her husband] and there is no effect on them from that nursing. So, it is allowed for a boy’s blood brother to marry his brother’s wet nurse or her daughters. However, the children of the child who was nursed will become like the children of the wet nurse and her husband in the same way that their father (the one originally nursed) was a ‘child’ (by nursing) to those two.”
Those Forbidden for Temporary Reasons
The second category of women a man is forbidden to marry consists of those forbidden for temporary reasons. If the reason ceases to exist, marriage between them becomes lawful. They include the following:
While being married to a woman, a man cannot marry her sister or any of her aunts (paternal or maternal). The first was mentioned in the verses previously mentioned and the second is mentioned in the following Hadith:
“The Prophet prohibited joining (in marriage at the same time) a woman and her paternal aunt or a woman and her maternal aunt.” [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]
If a person divorces his wife three times, it is not allowed for him to marry her again until and unless she marries someone else (but not as a trick in order to marry him again), consummates that marriage and that marriage is subsequently legally ended.
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Any woman if a man already has four wives.
Marrying a slave girl when one is already married to a free woman.
Marrying a woman who is already married or who is in ‘Iddah (waiting period). A woman in ‘Iddah due either to her husband’s death or divorce is not allowed to marry until it is finished.
A woman upon whom a man has made Li’aan, unless he confesses to having made it up. Al-Li’aan in Arabic is when the husband accuses the wife of adultery but cannot bring witnesses, so he swears that it occurred and the two are separated after the wife swears that she is innocent. He can never marry her again unless he confesses that he was lying about it.
A woman who is neither Muslim nor Jewish nor Christian.