So off the bat, let’s agree that we do not have control over most of the things in our lives. People who live in denial of this fact struggle with their health in regards to having a calm, clear and relaxed mind and body. Some resist this truth to the point where they actually become ‘control freaks.’ Those who resist the idea of ‘letting go of what you can’t control’ suffer more as they are found to micromanage way more than others. Not only do they micromanage but they also find it hard to delegate even the simplest of tasks to others. Imagine micromanaging everything and feeling the need to do everything yourself? Or how about trying to change people into what you want? Even if you aren’t a control freak, you might be one of the people who know they can prevent things from happening but still worry about them 24/7 regardless. All of this and any amount of it can really cause damage to your mental and/or physical health, so let’s look at how we can actually let things go…
To be honest, I am one of those people that wants to control everything and tend to micromanage all matters that are related to my personal life and even those who are involved. I also find it excruciatingly painful when I have to delegate tasks to others. I have always followed the motto, “if you want something done right, do it yourself.” Oh boy was I wrong! Yes, I might be able to do some tasks better, but does it really make a difference or is it even necessary? I have recently been struggling with the issue of control more than ever because I have become a mother recently. This huge life change and blessing have made me question my ways and ask myself, does it really matter? Do I really have to control every single aspect of my life myself? I finally came to the realisation that I really do need to let go of some things and to do so, I came across some good tips to start my journey to freedom:
Determine what you can and cannot control:
It’s a fact, we cannot control everything. In some cases, you might not even need to control anything. In other cases, you might just need the control of your reaction. That is still control and you still have it, you always have control over yourself and your actions, especially your reactions.
Identify your worries and fears:
Why do you need this much control? What are you worried about? What are you scared of happening? You have to pinpoint your worries before you can answer questions or even try to manage the issue. Stop worrying and start being proactive by putting contingencies in place.
Separate your problems and solving them from your unhealthy thoughts:
A lot of us tend to overthink things and that takes us on a downward spiral where we feel lost and helpless. Remember, focus on actual problems and solving them, not aimlessly thinking of your problems and just making yourself feel worse.
Use your influence instead of control:
Do not try to change situations or people that cannot be changed, instead opt for your power of influence and try to show people how it’s done or speak from experience and hopefully they will realise what they can do.
All these tips are useful but the most useful of all to me was the simple strategy of: 1. making the decision to let go and telling myself repeatedly that I am choosing to let go, 2. trusting myself and in my decision and that I will be okay at the end of the day, 3. not blaming anyone else for anything and taking responsibility whenever I can as it is up to me to take responsibility for my own happiness, 4. taking accountability and learning from my mistakes and finally, 5. focusing on things I do have control over and putting my energy where it can be fruitful. Now that you have seen how control can do so much damage, I ask you to join me on my journey to freedom and letting go. It is hard but it is definitely worth it, your freedom is always worth it!
* The author is a wellness advocate and influencer @keys2balance.