In an ideal world, all of the people in our lives would add joy to our worlds, but let’s face it: We don’t live in an ideal world.
Most of us will encounter at least one person in our day-to-day lives at some point who does the opposite, someone who drains your energy, puts you down or even verbally abuses you.
I was asked to speak about toxic people via a DM on Instagram. Toxic people chip away your mental health and overall wellbeing; their emotional footprint can be extremely damaging.
You shouldn’t tolerate behaviour you find unacceptable. In fact, it is not only your right but your responsibility to limit their role in your life or remove them from it entirely. If someone or something is ‘toxic’, to your life it’s part of your duty of self-care to manage the situation carefully. Letting the toxic dynamic continue without giving them feedback will only encourage them to pursue and maintain unhealthy relationships with others. Whether you’re dealing with a toxic collegue or a partner, a ‘frenemie’ (an enemy disguised as a friend) or even a toxic family member, here’s a few things you can try.
Sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is to walk away, remove the toxic person from your life, But I know that is usually not easy. The toxic person may be a partner, family member or someone else you can’t easily avoid.
In this case, you can try to encourage that person to get into therapy, although toxic people usually have minimal insight into how their own behaviour impacts their relationships. If the person rejects getting help, consider distancing yourself as much as possible.
Know that you don’t deserve this. Many people in a toxic relationship have low self-esteem. You need to believe that you are worthy of mutual love and respect. You deserve to feel secure, safe and free to be yourself.
Establish physical and emotional boundaries. Set clear and firm boundaries about spending time together, and limit contact as much as possible. When you’re with them, try not to absorb the negativity. When you aren’t with them, don’t let them take up your emotional space.
Realise you can’t change other people’s behaviour. But you can change your reaction. You have control over how you deal with the situation. See if it helps to change how you react to the negativity.
Regulate your thoughts. Have a healthy conversation with yourself, with positive affirmations and self-talk. Try to avoid thinking negative things; it gives the toxic person power over you.
The most beneficial thing you can do is engage in healthy coping strategies. Try daily meditation, gratitude, journaling, yoga or deep breathing exercises.. Talk to your loved ones, remember you are not alone, join a support group or seek professional help if you feel you need to.
* The author is a consultant and coach. Instagram handle: @miss_shefa, Website: missshefa.com
Shefa Ali
