Most school friendships do not last long, while some adult friendships do last a lifetime. Despite this, some make us feel that we have been sentenced to life in prison. So how do you know when should you get rid of this friend?
Sometimes things are clear, and you don’t need a lot of thought to end a friendship, but sometimes you find it difficult to determine if your friend deserves your friendship or if you should stay away from them.
Some people befriend you in order to benefit from what you have to offer. They try to sell you something over and over, or ask to borrow money all the time. This type of friend may be called a ‘business’. They do business with you, and they use you for what you offer them.
Their friendship may also consist in selling you sweet talk, showing their admiration for you and your personality, and you are buying from them an opportunity to appreciate yourself and your self-confidence – this makes you a prisoner of them, and you keep their friendship even though they hinder you in one way or another. Finally, pay attention. You want friends, not a footnote.
Healthy or unhealthy habits can spread within a group of friends. For example, it can spread unhealthy psychological habits such as gossiping or complaining about a third friend, unhealthy eating habits, or the adoption of a clichéd culture in life. Ideally, friends should work together to eat healthy food, or team up to exercise, or overcome the effects of stopping smoking together. But if your friend pulls or pressures you to smoke after you’ve made it clear that you’re trying to change, or he’s making fun of your attempts to take care of yourself; it is time to distance yourself.
If your friendship is so complex, it might be a red flag that you are being manipulated in a way that isn’t good. It is difficult to define, but there is evidence of this, such as your feeling that your friendship is unnecessarily complicated, or that you feel that you have changed for the worse as a result of this friendship, becoming less happy, less secure and less confident, and your friend often forces you to apologise indirectly for everything you do. Doing it, making you more confused.
Would you be yourself with them?
Real friends allow you to be yourself and if you feel compelled to change or hide your personality, or feel shy after hanging out with a friend, then it is time to make other healthy friendships.
Ellen Hendrickson, author of How To Be Yourself? tells us that connecting with true friends is one of the best things we can do for our health and happiness. On the other hand, breaking up with friends is a difficult, and sometimes necessary decision.
True friends should not hurt, manipulate, take advantage of you, or pressure you not to be someone else. A true friend inspires you to be better, happier, healthier and more, it helps you to be “yourself”.
* The author is a consultant in Public Relations and Personality Types. Instagram: @Tipsbyhalahill
