The virtue of reconciling people

The difference between people is a factual reality and part of the human natural disposition given people’s different morals and natures, and due to their contention and vying for worldly gains like wealth, status and the like. Allah, The Exalted, Says (what means): {And if your Lord had willed, He could have made mankind one community; but they will not cease to differ. Except whom your Lord has given mercy...} [Qur’an 11:118-119] Ibn Katheer, may Allah have mercy upon him, said: “It means that people will always differ in their religions, creeds, ideologies, affiliations and opinions.” However, such difference should not lead to conflict, breaking off ties and discord.Many of the disagreements and problems that occur between a Muslim and his fellow Muslim, a husband and his wife, or between friends could be traced back to the ill thoughts and doubts that the devil casts in people’s hearts and they yield to them, causing enmity, dissension and discord among them. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam (may Allah exalt his mention), referred to that when he said: “Satan despaired of ever being worshipped by the people of Arabia, but he is still hopeful that he would incite them against each other.” [Muslim]At-Teebi, may Allah have mercy upon him, said: “It means causing dissension, enmity and killing among them.” It was narrated on the authority of Jaabir ibn ‘Abdullaah, may Allah be pleased with him, that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, said: “Satan places his throne on the water, then he sends his troops to people; the closest of them in position to him is the one who causes the most mischief. One of them comes to him and says: ‘I did such and such.’ Satan responds: ‘You have done nothing.’ (This process continues) until one (devil) comes and says: ‘I did not leave so-and-so until I separated between him and his wife.’ Thereupon, Satan brings him close to him and says: ‘You have done well!’” [Muslim]Al-Qaadhi ‘Iyaadh, may Allah have mercy upon him, said: “You are the one means, ‘You are the one who has caused serious damage and achieved the greatest accomplishment.’ It may also mean, ‘You are the one who sufficed me and fulfilled my desire,’ or ‘You are the dearest to me,’ or ‘You are the closest to me of all my messengers’ ... or ‘You are the daring and pleasing one,’ and the like. His remark is indicative of the gravity of separating spouses or divorce, its serious harm and evil, and the seriousness of the sin of seeking to separate the spouses as it involves severing the solemn bond that Allah, The Exalted, has commanded to maintain, breaking up a relationship in which Allah instilled mutual mercy and affection, destroying a family founded on Islam and making the disputants vulnerable to incurring sin.”The Seerah (biography) of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, abounds in incidents and Ahaadith that indicate the prohibition of discord and the warning against it, commanding and urging Muslims to seek to reconcile disputing people, as it involves upholding the ties of kinship that were severed and strengthening the bonds of brotherhood and companionship that were weakened.Prophet’s warnings against disagreement and dispute:To underline the gravity of rancour and discord between Muslim brothers, it is sufficient to say that it prevents attaining the forgiveness of Allah, The Exalted. It was narrated on the authority of Abu Hurairah, may Allah be pleased with him, that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, said: “The gates of Paradise are opened on Mondays and Thursdays. Every Muslim who does not associate anything with Allah is granted forgiveness except a man who has enmity between him and his brother. It would be said: Delay these two until they reconcile; delay these two until they reconcile!” [Muslim] An-Nawawi, may Allah have mercy upon him, said: “His saying ‘delay these two’ means delay the forgiveness of their sins until they reconcile and restore mutual affection.”It was narrated on the authority of Abu Ayyoob Al-Ansaari, may Allah be pleased with him, that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, said: “It is unlawful for a Muslim to forsake his fellow Muslim for more than three nights. When they meet, each of them turns his face away from the other. The better of the two is he who initiates the greeting of peace (i.e., initiates reconciliation).” [Al-Bukhari] He, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, also said: “Whoever forsakes his (Muslim) brother for a year is like one who sheds his blood.” [Abu Daawood, Al-Albaani: authentic]A distinction should be made between forsaking one’s Muslim brother for the Sake of Allah, The Exalted, (i.e., for religious reasons) and forsaking him for the sake of oneself (i.e., for worldly reasons). The first is enjoined, when the due conditions and Shari‘ah guidelines of forsaking one’s Muslim brother are observed, and if it is hoped to yield its desired purpose and benefit; whereas the second (forsaking him for worldly reasons) is forbidden because the believers are brothers. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, said: “Do not nurse grudge against one another; do not envy one another; do not turn your back on one another (in discontent and enmity); (but) be slaves of Allah as brothers. It is unlawful for a Muslim to forsake his (fellow Muslim) brother for more than three (days).” [Muslim]Endeavouring to reconcile disputing people:Reconciling people is better than performing voluntary acts of worship, because it involves spreading love and affection among people, and this brings happiness to the individuals’ hearts and enhances the strength and cohesion of the society. There is no doubt that reconciliation is better than dissension, upholding the ties of kinship is better than severing them, and love is better than hatred. It was narrated on the authority of Abu Ad-Dardaa’, may Allah be pleased with him, that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, said: “Should I not tell you what is better in degree than prayer, fasting and charity.” They (the Companions) said: “Yes, please do.” He said: “Reconciling people, for grudges and disputes are the razor (that shaves faith).” Another version reads: “I do not mean that they shave hair but they rather shave religiosity.” [At-Tirmithi, Al-Albaani: authentic]Reconciling people means liminating the causes of dispute and conflict by means of mutual forgiveness and pardon or by conciliation. At-Teebi, may Allah have mercy upon him, said: “The Hadith urges reconciling people and avoiding spoiling their relationships, because reconciliation is a reason for holding firmly to the rope of Allah, the Exalted, and avoiding disunity among Muslims, whereas grudges and disputes are a crack in a person’s religiosity. Whoever endeavours to reconcile people and eliminate the harm of dispute will attain a degree that is greater than that of a person who offers much fasting and night prayers and is preoccupied with his own benefit only.”When the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, learned that some of his Companions in Qubaa’ had a disagreement, he went to reconcile them. It was narrated on the authority of Sahl ibn Sa‘d as-Saa‘idi, may Allah be pleased with him, that he said: “Once the people of Qubaa’ fought together till they threw stones at each other. When the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, was informed of it, he said: ‘Let us go to reconcile them.’” [Al-Bukhari]Ibn Hajar, may Allah have mercy upon him, said in Fat-h Al-Baari: “Among the lessons deduced from this Hadith is the virtue of reconciling people, unifying the members of a group, and resolving disputes. It is also inferred therefrom that the Imaam (ruler) may go personally to his subjects for this reason, and that the like of this may be given priority over leading the prayers himself.” Ibn Battaal, may Allah have mercy upon him said: “The Hadith reflects how the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, was humble, caring, and keen to resolve disagreements and eliminate the causes of disunity and dissension among his Ummah as Allah, The Exalted, described him.”It was narrated on the authority of ‘Abdullaah ibn ‘Abbaas, may Allah be pleased with him, that: “The husband of Bareerah was a black slave called Mugheeth, as if I am seeing him now, following her and weeping with his tears flowing down his beard. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, said to ‘Abbaas, ‘O ‘Abbaas! Are you not astonished by the love of Mugheeth for Bareerah and the hatred of Bareerah for Mugheeth?’ The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, then said to Bareerah: ‘Why don’t you return to him (remarry him)?’ She said, ‘O Messenger of Allah! Do you command me to do so?’ He said: ‘No, I am only interceding for him.’” [Al-Bukhari]Ibn Hajar, may Allah have mercy upon him, said: “His statement, ‘I am only interceding for him,’ means I am only interceding with you for his sake and I am not commanding you to do so.” Ibn Battaal, may Allah have mercy upon him, said: “At-Tabari said, ‘A Fiqh ruling deduced from this Hadith is that it is permissible for the scholar and the Caliph to intercede for the sake of people, offer them their help, and fulfil the needs of those who ask for it, and that it is a manifestation of noble morals. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, said: ‘Intercede for people and you shall earn a reward.’”Permissibility of lying to reconcile disputing people:Given the importance of reconciling people, the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, permitted lying to reconcile disputing people, such as the case when one tells one of them that the other person is praising and lauding him while he did not actually say that. It was narrated on the authority of Umm Kulthoom bint ‘Uqbah, may Allah be pleased with her, that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, said: “He is not a liar, he who tries to reconcile people so he says what is good or exaggerates what is good.” [Al-Bukhari]Ibn al-‘Arabi, may Allah have mercy upon him, said: “Lying in this situation and similar ones is permissible according to the relevant text and this is a manifestation of the divine mercy for Muslims given their need for it.” It was narrated on the authority of Asmaa’ bint Yazeed, may Allah be pleased with her, that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, said: “Lying is unlawful except in three cases: when a man speaks to his wife to please her, lying in war, and lying to reconcile people.” [At-Tirmithi, Al-Albaani: authentic]Lying to one’s spouse here means lying regarding the expression of love and affection to perpetuate intimacy and maintain the stability of the family, and it does not mean lying that leads to violating the rights of one’s spouse or avoiding the enjoined fulfilment of their duties towards one another and the like. An-Nawawi, may Allah have mercy upon him, said: “As for his lying to his spouse, it means to lie regarding the expression of love and promising to do what is not obligatory, and the like. As for deception to withhold the rights of one another or take what he or she is not entitled to, lying in these cases is prohibited according to the consensus of Muslims, and Allah knows best.”Reconciling people is one of the noble morals and virtuous qualities of our Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, and he urged us through his words and deeds to keenly reconcile people, because reconciling people is a reason for reforming the individual and the society. So, glad tidings are for those whom Allah, The Exalted, brings good at their hands and makes them means to reconcile disputing people. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, said: “Should I not tell you what is better in degree than prayer, fasting and charity?” They (the Companions) said: “Yes, please do.” He said: “Reconciling people.” He, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, also said: “Verily, some people are keys to good and locks to evil, and, verily, some people are keys to evil and locks to good. Glad tidings to those in whose hands Allah places the keys to good, and woe to those in whose hands Allah places the keys to evil.” [Ibn Maajah and Al-Albaani: Hasan]Article source: http://www.islamweb.net/emainpage/Giving sincere adviceThe giving of sincere advice enjoys a sublime and exalted position in Islam, and how could this not be so? The Prophet,  sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam (may Allah exalt his mention), considered the giving of sincere advice on a par with the religion as whole. The Prophet,  sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, said: “Religion is giving sincere advice.”A person would give sincere advice to others when he loves and sympathises with them, when he wishes goodness for them, and when he wishes to thwart evil and harm from them. Thus, Ibn Al-Atheer, may Allah have mercy upon him, said that giving sincere advice is an indication of the adviser’s wish to bring about goodness for the one advised.The Companions, may Allah be pleased with them, gave an oath of allegiance to the Prophet,  sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, that they would sincerely advise the Muslims: Jareer ibn ‘Abdullah, may Allah be pleased with him, said, “I gave the oath of allegiance to the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, that I would perform prayers, pay the Zakah, and give advice to every Muslim.”In fact, a person who sincerely advises people, seeking goodness for them, is one of the vicegerents of Allah The Almighty upon the earth. Al-Hasan, may Allah have mercy upon him, said: “There still exist persons who give sincere advice for the sake of Allah The Almighty. They sincerely advise people for the sake of Allah and educate them as to what is due to Him. They implement the order of Allah The Almighty upon the earth by giving sincere advice - and these are the vicegerents of Allah upon the earth.”To whom should sincere advice be given?Sincere advice is for Allah, His Messenger, His Book, and to the Muslim leaders and the public at large. Imam ibn Hajar, may Allah have mercy upon him, said:Sincere advice for Allah The Almighty means describing Him with the appropriate attributes, submitting to Him overtly and covertly, seeking His pleasure through obeying Him, fearing His anger by not disobeying Him, and striving to help sinners return to Him.Sincere advice for His Book means learning and teaching it, reciting and writing its letters properly, understanding its meanings, observing its boundaries, applying its instructions and rebutting the allegations that fabricators try to raise against it.Sincere advice for His Messenger  sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, means venerating him, supporting him during his life and after his death, reviving his Sunnah by learning and teaching it, following his example in sayings and actions, and loving him and his followers.Sincere advice to the Muslim leaders means assisting them in the tasks with which they are assigned, alerting them when they are heedless, covering their unintentional mistakes, uniting people upon their obedience, and guiding straying hearts back to them. The greatest sincere advice that a person may give to them is to prevent them - in the best way possible - from oppression.The Imams of Ijtihad [those who issue rulings] are among the Muslim leaders, and sincere advice to them means disseminating their knowledge and merits and thinking good of them.Sincere advice to the Muslim masses means having compassion for them, seeking what benefits them, teaching them what is useful for them, preventing harm from them, loving for them what a person would love for himself, and hating for them what a person would hate for himself.Shaykh ‘Abdur-Rahman ibn Nasir As-Sa‘di, may Allah have mercy upon him, said: “Sincere advice for Allah and His Messenger implies true belief in them, sincerity in making Jihad, determination to perform it when one can do so, and trying one’s best to encourage and urge Muslims to do so. Sincere advice begins with sincerely advising oneself first, for rarely will a person advise others sincerely if he cheats himself.”The Messengers were the most concerned of all with sincerely advising their peopleThe Prophets of Allah, may Allah exalt their mention, endeavoured to call people to Allah. They were extremely keen on guiding them and spared no effort in giving them sincere advice. For instance, we can see that Allah cites His noble prophets’ words to their people in different verses.Allah Quotes prophet Nooh’s, may Allah exalt his mention, words in the Qur’an (what means): {But I am a messenger from the Lord of the worlds. I convey to you the messages of my Lord and advise you...} [Qur’an 7:61-62]Allah quotes Prophet Hud’s, may Allah exalt his mention, words (what means): {I am to you a trustworthy adviser.} [Qur’an 7:68]Allah quotes prophet Salih’s may Allah exalt his mention words (what means): {I advised you, but you do not like advisers.} [Quran 7:79]Allah again Quotes Prophet Shu‘ayb’s, may Allah exalt his mention, words (what means): {O my people, I had certainly conveyed to you the messages of my Lord and advised you.} [Qur’an 7:93]Also, the Companions of Prophet Muhammad,  sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, confirmed that he  sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, conveyed the message of Allah The Exalted and sincerely advised his  sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, people. It was narrated on the authority of Jabir may Allah be pleased with him that the Prophet  sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, said to his Companions: “You will be questioned about me [in the Hereafter]; what are you going to say?” They replied, “We will testify that you have conveyed the message, fulfilled it and have given sincere advice.”Giving sincere advice is a due right upon a Muslim from his brotherThe Prophet,  sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, considered the giving of sincere advice as one of the greatest rights that are due upon Muslims; he  sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, said: “There are six rights due upon a Muslim from his Muslim brother…” one of which was: “ … giving him sincere advice if he asks for it.” The Prophet,  sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, also said: “If any of you consults his [Muslim] brother, he [the latter] should sincerely advise him.”Allah The Almighty has doubled the reward of the sincere advisor who gives his advice hoping for the wellbeing of other Muslims. It was narrated on the authority of ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Umar may Allah be pleased with him that the Prophet,  sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, said: “If a slave sincerely advises his master and worships Allah properly, he will have his reward doubled.” Moreover, he will be one of the first people to enter Paradise. He, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, also said: “I have been shown the three types of people who will enter Paradise first: A martyr; a chaste person who sought chastity; and a slave who worshipped Allah properly and gave sincere advice to his masters.”Etiquettes of sincerely giving adviceAdvice has a sublime position in Islam. A beneficial sincere advice is the one in which the advisor abides by the etiquettes of the Shari‘ah that the scholars have mentioned. Among those etiquettes are:1- The adviser should give his advice sincerely for the sake of Allah The Almighty, without seeking ostentation, fame, worldly gain or showing superiority.2- The adviser should have enough knowledge about the advice which he is giving. This is because advising is a form of enjoining the good and forbidding the evil. If a person does not have enough knowledge about what he is advising about, he may forbid the good, thinking that he is forbidding an evil, and vice versa.3- He should give it privately. Giving advice publicly is a reproach and rebuke that is disliked. Mis‘ar ibn Kidam, may Allah have mercy upon him, said: “May Allah have mercy upon a person who presented my faults to me in secret, for giving advice in public is a rebuke.”4- Gentleness in giving advice and avoiding excess and rebuke. The Prophet,  sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, said: “Gentleness does not enter anything except that it adorns it.”On his part, the one being advised should listen to the advice, apply the good that it contains and rid himself of the evil desires of the self. The righteous predecessors would consider advice a gift that the advisor had presented them. ‘Umar may Allah be pleased with him said, “May Allah have mercy upon a person who gifted me my faults!” Also the adviser should not let harshness of the adviser deprive him of benefiting from the advice.We ask Allah The Almighty to make us all from those who listen to speech and follow the best of it.Article source: http://www.islamweb.net/emainpage/Words of wisdom* The best knowledge is that which benefits, and Allah only causes knowledge to benefit a person when he acts upon it once having learnt it and He does not cause it to benefit the person that leaves it after having learnt it. * Knowledge without action is like a tree without fruit. * You are now in the preliminary world, in front of you are two places of abode, out of which you must live in one of. You have not been given assurance of protection, causing you to feel safe. Nor have you been granted acquittal, causing you to slacken. * If I were to know with full certainty that all of my life was but an hour, Why should I not renounce it And dedicate it to righteousness and obedience. * Ibn Mas’ood, radiallahu ‘anhu, said: “Learn, learn, and once you have learned, act.” [isnaad hasan] * Abu Hurairah, radiallahu ‘anhu, said: “The example of knowledge not acted upon is that of a treasure none of which is spent in the way of Allah the Mighty and Majestic.” * Az-Zuhree said: “The people will never be pleased with the statement of a scholar who does not act, nor of a person who acts but has no knowledge.” [hasan] * Whoever sought knowledge, intending the knowledge alone (i.e. without action) would not benefit by it. Yet whoever sought knowledge intending to act upon it, would benefit, even by a little knowledge. * Knowledge rests upon action, action rests upon sincerity, and sincerity to Allah brings about understanding of Allah the Mighty and Majestic. * Whoever seeks knowledge in order to act upon it will be humbled by his knowledge but whoever seeks it for other than that, will be increased by it in arrogance. * The time will soon come, if you live long, that knowledge will become a source of beautification, just as a person beautifies himself with a garment.” * If Allah grants you knowledge, in return worship Him and do not make your goal merely narrating to the people. * Whoever speaks good things yet acts unrighteously, Allah does not accept his good speech. Whereas he who speaks good things and works righteous acts, his speech is raised by his good deeds. That is because Allah says: To Him ascend the goodly word, and the righteous action raises it. [Al-Faatir 35:10][From the book Iqtidaa-ul-’Ilmil-’Amal (The Need Knowledge Has of Action) by al-Khateeb al-Baghdaadee]